Women - Are You Sacrificing Too Much For Your Relationship?
Although several generations have past we still live in a society that subtly glorifies men and their ego. Women are still being taught how to get their man to love them; how to get their man to be more attentive; how to get their man to stop cheating. The list goes on and on. But the question here is why are women the only ones doing all the work? What responsibilities do the men have? If a relationship needs work she is the one who needs to understand that men do not like to express their emotions so it is up to her to talk things over with him and give him space. Women from all the things that you have to do, aren’t you tired by now? Women, it is not your job to think like a man. With all that you have going on, how are you supposed to find time to think like a man when you have barely begun to think for yourself? Don’t you think it’s time men began to self-parent themselves and deal with their emotional issues before they get involved with someone else? It is not your responsibility to grow a man. If children are also in the relationship, a woman barely has time to be a mother to her children because she is too busy being the mother of her partner. The children are the ones who ultimately suffer and grow up resentful.
Every relationship is a give and take, but if you are doing more of the giving then your relationship is seriously off balance. Problems will arise and when they do are you always the one apologizing because you want to take the high road? After a fight there should always be a cooling off period. Is he the one always taking a longer time out each time? Do you find that your mate will say hurtful things to you and then act like it was nothing or he will apologize and then expect you to accept it and move on? Some men will apologize because they do not want to speak about the problem. After an apology a normal person would be reluctant to bring up the conversation because the person apologized. It is important to understand that this is another dip and dodge technique. By apologizing he dipped under your accusations and then dodged having to discuss the problem. He’s home free and you are left feeling like you have just been spun like a Top. Now you are confused. Nice football tactic and a clever one too. It takes an emotionally mature man to reach out to his mate when things are not going right. His primary concern would not be to prove that he is right but instead to lovingly nurture his relationship with his mate, respect her as an individual and respect her feelings.
There are some men who behave in a very controlling, possessive, jealous and calculating manner. They are more interested in having you as a possession rather than as a person. They will go to any lengths to manipulate your emotions so you would think that they are serious regarding developing a relationship with you. That kind of behavior is manipulative and destructive. It’s the reason why sane women snap. Unfortunately that kind of behavior can only happen to you when you have completely given up who you are just to be in a relationship. This is called loosing yourself. You are not stupid, dumb, an idiot nor did you deserve what you got. Some women embark on a mission of self-flagellation when they realize how much of themselves they had given up for their relationship.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a relationship. Each of us have the desire to be in a loving, stable, mature and committed relationship and so we should. But if that is your only desire then that will be your recruitment calling card for men who don’t give a hoot about themselves so they won’t give a hoot about you. A man will make all sorts of promises just so you would believe that he really wants to change. So you stay to “help him” and he has you under his control. It is important that you learn to identify this behavior from early on. Otherwise, later on down the road you will find your emotions entangled in a ball of emotional mess. On the outside this man may come off as self-centered, selfish and self-absorbed. However, a man who behaves like that is hiding an emotionally scared and insecure little boy deep inside of him.
Often women repeatedly find themselves in abusive relationships. What they don’t realize is that something in them pulled them to that relationship and that person. No one deserves abuse regardless of the situation or their actions. But before another could abuse you, you were already abusing yourself. People treat you the way in which you are treating yourself. It is much easier to blame others for their actions than it is to look within to identify the reasons behind why you are with that person in the first place. There is no such thing that people treat you the way you allow. No one would “allow” anyone to treat them bad. The word “allow” implies that you deliberately invited someone else to come into your life and treat you badly. That is not so. A majority of you were never taught how to be emotionally healthy which is a vital component of rearing a child. When this component was never received from parents or other primary care-takers, children grow up with a void within them. This void breeds insecurity, fear, depression, self-hatred and paranoia, which makes you vulnerable. Your mind, body, heart and spirit become a magnet and a sponge for others who are desperately seeking the same thing.
Every relationship has the potential to hit rock bottom. This is a good thing because there is only way to go – UP. Problems only spring up when you stay down. It is harder to leave an abused relationship than it is to stay because it is difficult to face the emotions that caused you to be in the situation in the first place. The common misconception exists that when one leaves an abusive relationship they are leaving the abuser. However, you are not leaving the other person who may have seemed to be the abuser. Rather, you are leaving you – the abuser, behind. You are leaving the old part of you behind. This is the part that had existed in you for years and had caused you so much emotional pain; the part that recruited other people for the job opening of Abuser. When you abuse yourself you are energetically creating a job opening. When you stop abusing yourself you have eliminated the position completely and are no longer hiring.
Women, no matter how hard you try, you cannot force a man to be emotionally available. Not even if you took a pick axe and try to dig it out of him although some of you would love to try that method. Please don’t because unless your girlfriends have enough bail money to come rescue you, you will be spending “several” nights in jail. He will not give of himself until he is mature enough to start self-parenting himself and take responsibility for his own self-growth.
Learn to ask questions in your relationship. If you don’t feel right about something ask about it. This is your relationship and you are about to invest a significant amount of time in it. Find out all the things you feel you need to know in order to give you a better assessment of what and whom you are getting involved with. There is no such thing as asking too many questions. If you are involved with a man and he feels that you are questioning him too many questions that is a red flag which should not be ignored. What is he hiding? Analyze the situation and then decide how you want to proceed. Can you let the question go until another time? Maybe, but keep your eyes and ears open. The answer sometimes will come right out of left-field and fall into your lap. If he dodges too many questions then it’s time to move on. Trust is important in a relationship and if he is already trying to blind-side you from the beginning, its sign of things to come further down the road. If he loves you and is interested in being in a relationship with you, he will be patient because he will realize that you are getting to know him. Women please, for heavens sake, stop trusting your mate blindly. Being alert in a relationship is also part of your responsibility. Be careful about getting complacent in your relationship, which is another opening for abuse and affairs to creep in. Do not be afraid to ask for what you want. Make sure that those wants are not fueled by needs. Your partner is not able to give you what you need. Only you can do that.
Men are NOT Gods! Neither are they the only important life forms on this planet. If you and your man are catering to his needs alone you are in essence treating your man as if he is in fact GOD while the both of you are ignoring your needs. Begin forming your identity and create your unique individuality. Have a life or go and get one. A woman should have her own things going on in her life separate from her mate. The two of you were not born glued to each other. Have your own identity before you get involved in any relationship. Develop a strong sense of self so that in or out of a relationship you can stand on your own two feet. Do things with your mate, but schedule your alone time without him. Remember to be the love you desire from others. Approve of yourself first. Only children need the approval of their parents. Never treat someone as if they are more important than you are. Just like MasterCard, your worth is priceless. When you begin to see yourself as priceless your thought patterns will change and you will begin to attract more healthy and loving relationships. Set boundaries for yourself and hold yourself to a high standard. You are a Queen and you deserve to be treated as such. Only you can raise your status. When you begin to know, feel, believe and regard yourself as a Queen only then will you attract your King.
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